And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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