ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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