maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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