I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
