So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
