just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
