So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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