allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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