May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Randomize
