Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
