she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
