That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
