Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
