you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize