whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
