Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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