Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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