A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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