i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
