Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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