Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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