I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
