So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
