Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize