I think im going to throw up on grandma
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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