That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
