the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
