I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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