I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
