dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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