Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize