You made me cry and you don't even care
i would punch a child for taco bell
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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