I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize