it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
