My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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