They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
