she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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