Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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