some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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