you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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