I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
