I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
