I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
