ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
