I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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