well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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