Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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