I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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