i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
