There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
