the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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