The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
