why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
