he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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