community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
