Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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