We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
