Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
