Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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