never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
