i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
