Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
