how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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