You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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