farters have to be the big spoon...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
