I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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