you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
