im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
