You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
