The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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