He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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